Maid of Honor
by Lushcoltrane
Summary: Trina's getting married but hasn't named her maid of honor and it's driving Tori, Cat and Beck nuts. That, in turn, is driving their spouses nuts. Takes place a few years after 'Delphiniphobia'. Couples: Tori and Jade, Sam and Cat, Beck and Andre, Carly and Freddie, Trina and Drake.
1. Chapter 1 The Bet

Disclaimer: _Victorious, iCarly_ and _Drake and Josh_ and their characters are the property of Schneider's Bakery and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. No profit is intended or wanted for this story.

Note: Based on a suggestion from a fellow scribe who wishes to remain anonymous. I had hoped to post this last week but my old PC took a header into an electronic grave.

* * *

"There's only a month to go before Trina's wedding day and she hasn't even picked a maid of honor!" Tori exclaimed.

"Jeez, will you relax already? You're a shoe-in, Vega."

"But Jade… It takes time for the dress and…"

"I was in a wedding before Vega. You might recall that. You were there too!"

Tori smiled, "Yeah that was the happiest day ever!"

Jade returned her smile. This is the Jade smile reserved almost exclusively for her wife - soft and loving and happy.

"But I picked Trina months before!"

The smile disappeared as a grimace took it's place. Jade flung her arms in the air. "AAAGGGHHH! I can't take it! I gotta get outta here before I get stabby and scissory."

"Jade," Tori whined, "I need yoooo-ooo…"

"Nope! Talk to your sister. Anyway, I promised Cat we'd meet to go over her designs for my new movie."

"But you were going to do that tomorrow!" Tori whined.

"It's a long way from Malibu to Santa Monica. If I'm lucky with traffic, I might be there early," Jade declared as she walked towards the door. "I love you but, whine without cheese drives me nuts!"

Before leaving though, she walked back to her wife, hugged and kissed her sweetly then dashed to the door before Tori could start up again.

* * *

Sam Puckett answered the door. "Oh, thank God! Cat has been driving me crazy!"

"She's good at that," Jade said as she entered their home. "CAT! I'm here to go over the costumes!"

"JADIE!" Cat screamed as she ran into the living room. Before Jade could react, she was enveloped in Cat Puckett's arms.

"Okay, Mrs. Puckett. You can let go now!" Jade demanded. _Man, Vega has made me soft._

"Who's Puckett? My name's Pickle," Cat said as Sam face-palmed in exasperation.

"You, you red-headed dingaling!"

"Isn't that a bird?" Cat asked her frustrated wife.

Jade rolled her eyes as Sam sank into the sofa, "Aaahhh, I give up!"

Cat threw Jade a wink. In a whisper, she said, "I love messing with Sam. For a change."

Jade smiled, her Kitty-cat had grown some claws. Not sharp but still…

"Cat, about those costume designs?"

"Kay-kay," she replied as she ran into her study. A moment later, she yelled, "JADEY! ARE YOU COMING?"

With a smirk, Jade replied, "Only with Tori."

Cat blushed as she realized what she had asked. "Jade!"

In her almost dead-on Cat voice, she asked, "Whattie?"

Cat got her folio out and began to set out the illustrations on her drafting table, the pattern table and the desk. Then she said, "Can you believe Trina hasn't picked a maid of honor yet?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, it's only a month to the wedding!"

"Oh no… This again? I've got to go!"

"But Jade…"

As Jade left their house, Sam asked, "The wedding?"

"Yep!"

"You getting the same at home?'

"Oh yeah…"

Sam shook her head, "I think I'm going to take up drinking…"

Jade barked a laugh as she left, heading for the city.

* * *

As Andre let her in, she said, as she always did when she entered the bungalow that was the Beck-Harris home in the old LGBT enclave of West Hollywood, "Cliché much?"

Rather than react to her statement, Andre sighed in relief, "Jade! Thank God you're here! Beck is driving me crazy!"

"Nooo…" muttered the former Goth, her eyes pressed shut. _Please let it be the adoption. Please let it be the adoption._ Jade repeated her new mantra in her head several times then looked at Andre, "Is it the goddamned wedding?"

"How'd you know?"

"Well, it was either that or the adoption."

"No, that's going well. Barring any last minute snag, we'll be flying to Ho Chi Minh City to get our new baby. Thank God this wedding chiz will be over and done with before we leave."

Taking a breath, Jade asked, "Who else is in the running for maid of honor?"

"Just Beck, Tori and Cat."

"Not Carly?"

"Remember when we all got together for that reunion of the Kenan House party? Carly asked Trina how she got into Hollywood Arts then questioned her story, since she already knew the real story. You know, the psyched-out Sikowitz story." Andre chuckled, "Psyched-out Sikowitz! Never thought of it like that before…"

"Alright, I'm heading there."

"There?"

"Carly and Freddie's."

"Can I come? Please?"

Jade looked at Andre, desperate pleading filling his dark features. "Okay… Let's go."

"YES! FREEDOM!" he yelled. Then, in response to a call from further in the house, he yelled, "Be back soon, babe!"

In moments, they were in Jade's car heading down to the Shay-Benson condo in Marina Del Rey. "May as well call Sam. Ask her if she wants to meet us. She's in the same boat we are."

"Okay," Andre agreed as he pulled out his phone. "Boat… Heh-heh-heh… Cause we're heading to a marina…" Seeing Jade's look, he mumbled, "It's not that funny…"

Soon, they were parking in a rare empty space close to the Dolphin Marina apartments near the end of Panay Way, one of the arms of the famous Marina Del Rey yacht basin. Carly was home and greeted them warmly. She was excited to hear Sam was coming over too.

"I haven't seen Sam in weeks. I've been so busy with my morning show and…" Carly lamented. After she finished college, she moved south to be with Freddie who had come down to work for one of the larger software firms in California, outside Silicon Valley. Soon, he was working for himself and doing very well.

Once she was settled, Carly joined her HA friends in show business. It didn't hurt that she had a head start with her old web show. Starting with remote reports and broadcasts, she quickly became one of the co-hosts of _Good Morning Southland,_ a popular local broadcast/cable news and variety show.

"So what brings you guys here?" she asked brightly as she led them out to the balcony overlooking the boat slip. Directly below the apartment was their cabin cruiser. With the condo, it was one of the benefits of Freddie's inventive mind and careful selling of his patented apps and hardware.

"Our wives are driving us crazy!" Jade declared. "My still incredibly irritating sister-in-law, Trina, the living air raid siren, hasn't picked a maid of honor yet!"

"Isn't the wedding in a few weeks?" Carly asked, surprise on her face.

"Oh yeah…" Andre moaned. "Beck, Tori and Cat are all going nuts trying to figure out why she hasn't picked a maid of honor. That's all they're talking about! Who's going to be the maid of honor. God, why can't they just elope? Las Vegas is only a few hours across the desert."

"I asked Sam six months before the wedding. I mean, in our case that was just a formality. We had agreed to be each other's maids of honor way back in grade school." Carly shook her head, "I can't believe Trina hasn't decided yet. Why not?"

With a smirk, Jade said, "I'm not even sure she has a groom yet!"

Andre laughed, "Yeah. But she does."

"Poor schlep."

Carly chimed in, "I don't feel sorry for him at all! She's actually pretty hot. Oh, don't look at me like that! I can appreciate another woman without having the hots for her… I just like her even if she's like a polar opposite of Tori. She just doesn't know enough to think first then speak.

"However, I'm not sure how she snagged Drake Parker. He's totally hot!" Carly blushed, "It's okay. Freddie and I both have our one person we'd sleep with free and clear if we could. Mine has been Drake. His is Alyssa Vaughn."

Drake Parker had been on tour for the past few weeks and, outside of the engagement party, hadn't really interacted with the others. To the others he seemed pretty nice but…

Sam asked, "Did anyone notice how much his sister looks like Carly?"

"I don't look anything like that little…!"

Sam cut her friend off, "Yes you do!"

Andre added his two cents, "You notice a lot of doubles in our lives? Shelby Marx and Tori. Heather Fox and Jade…"

"I do not look like that goody-two-shoes!"

A chorus of "Yeah you do…", "Totally alike" and " _If_ you smiled more…"

"Anyway, now we have Carly and Megan Parker."

Carly's husband came in at that point. Jade actually smiled as Freddie kissed his wife. _Is it odd that I find the only 'straight' couple in our little clique so cute?_

The discussion went on for an hour as the quintet – Sam had arrived shortly after her old frenemy – consumed two bottles of wine. Carly, ever the good hostess, had put out cheese and crackers as well as a small vegetable tray with dip. With Sam doing most of the work, there wasn't much left by the end of their get-together.

In the meantime, Jade asked about the quickie spread. Freddie replied, "She's always prepared to entertain…"

The central discussion continued until they were covering the same ground over and over again. Finally, feeling a bit of a buzz from the wine, Jade said, "How 'bout a bet?"

When everyone was looking at her but not saying anything, she went on, "The bet is who Trina chooses. Tori, Cat or Beck. The losers' partners have to pay for six dinners for all of us at Maestro's in the six months after the wedding."

"Who's 'all of us'?" Andre asked.

"You, me or Sam - the losers' spouses."

"Hey!" Carly interrupted. "What about us?"

"Alright, sure. You two can be in on dinner. And Trina and Drake." Jade looked thoughtful for a minute, "Actually, that's good. With Maestro's prices, four more diners makes for a decent bet."

"I dunno," Andre said. While it barely related, beyond the wagering aspect, he suddenly remembered hammer dancing for a week.

Not knowing about that bet but reading the tone in Andre's voice, Sam agreed, "Yeah, that'll be expensive."

"So?" Jade asked.

"Maybe…" Andre paused.

With a smile directed at her old friend, Carly suggested, "Maybe six dinners over twelve months?"

Freddie, who had wine and dined clients at Maestro's, said, "I think that's a little more reasonable. The place is awesome but it can get pricey."

Andre kicked in, "And we'd undoubtedly have cocktails and wine. That'll add to what was already a hefty bill when we were in high school…"

Shaking her head, Jade said, "You're all wimps! But, okay. Dinner for eight every other month after the wedding."

"How do the losers divvy it up? Do they split the tabs or take turns?"

"Huh?" Jade looked puzzled.

"Well, there'll be two losers."

"Oh! Right!" Jade thought for a moment. "Okay. That'll be up to the losers."

Andre nodded, satisfied. To a point. He still wasn't thrilled with the whole bet. He always suspected Jade in a situation like this – had since they were in grade school.

Sam chimed in, "Okay, wait! I love you Carls and…I don't hate you, Fredward." Carly beamed at the statement and Freddie had to grin. "Anyway, what are you guys putting up?"

"Huh?"

"Carls, we're putting up dinner on the chance one of us will be bridesmaid…"

"Maid of honor," Jade corrected without being ganky. _God, Vega has really rubbed off on me…_

Echoing an earlier version of Jade, Sam simply said, "Whatever! So, Carls…? Freddie?"

"Um…" Carly looked at her husband desperately. She wanted to be in this but had no idea what they could contribute.

Freddie smiled calmly at his love and said, "Okay, the winning couple get a full week with our yacht. You can stay in the marina or take it out for a cruise. To Catalina or one of the Channel Islands. Even down to Baja. Provided your license is up to date. Or you hire a reputable crew."

"Sounds like a bet," Jade announced.

The rest agreed and shook hands. Just to make sure it was all clear, Freddie typed out and printed copies of a document for all consenting parties to sign.

To celebrate, another bottle of wine was opened.


	2. Chapter 2 The Payoff

Disclaimer: _Victorious, iCarly_ and _Drake and Josh_ and their characters are the property of Schneider's Bakery and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. No profit is intended or wanted for this story.

* * *

Two weeks passed with no announcement from Trina about her part of the wedding party. All that was known was the fact that the bridesmaid's dresses were hideous. Almost stereotypically so. A horrendous mash of purple and pink with one shoulder bare and the other with a very large pink-purple bow.

Jade had tried to argue with Tori that the dresses were abominations but Tori didn't care. It was her sister and she had to be the maid. Regardless of the color scheme.

As the date got closer, Tori became more manic about the subject. "Trina has to make a decision! I mean, it takes time to make those dresses and…"

"Vega. Tori. Sweetie," Jade said, the last catching Tori's attention. "Why does this mean so much? I mean, have you seen those dress designs?"

"God, Jade! She's my sister! I should be her maid of honor…"

Jade shook her head. All she could think of was how ridiculous the whole thing was. Because Cat was sick with mononucleosis when Jade and Tori got married, Beck stood up for Jade – Andre told Beck he was hot in the gown. Trina was named Tori's maid of honor. When Andre and Beck got married, Beck chose his old flame, Jade, as his maid. Andre chose Tori. When Sam and Cat wed, Cat asked Trina to be her Maid. Sam had Carly as her maid.

Now Trina was marrying Drake Bell. Drake already had asked his step-brother Josh to be his best man. Trina still had not chosen her Maid.

"Listen, love of my life, you need to stop obsessing over this. You'll give yourself an ulcer. Now, we're going to dinner with Andre and Beck so please calm yourself."

"I… I guess so…"

For old time's sake, they all met at Nozu. Most of dinner went well and the foursome got caught up on everything. Andre and Jade did not mention the bet.

Karaoke started up. Jade rolled her eyes at the popstar wannabes before Tori and Andre got up and sang _Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay_ , the Otis Redding classic. Then they shared the joy of singing _City of New Orleans._

Jade actually had a happy smile on her face and Beck noticed. "You and Tori… You two are the perfect couple!"

Scoffing at her old beau, Jade snorted, "Yeah, right!"

"Jade, I never saw that smile when we were together. Even before we started dating. You've only ever really looked this happy since you and Tori finally got together."

"She still drives me nuts," Jade replied.

Beck laughed, "That's what the other half of any couple does."

"You and Andre?"

"Oh yeah… There are times we really get into it. But the make-up sex is awesome!"

"Thanks for that visual," Jade laughed.

"Lately, I've been pretty bad though."

"Huh?"

"Trina's wedding? The maid of honor question?"

"Oh my God! I made Tori promise not to talk about it. I should've gotten you to promise too."

Beck shrugged good-naturedly, "Sorry."

The next day, Jade called Andre and Sam. She told both of them, "We have to talk to Trina. This madness has to stop."

They agreed and the three got together soon after. Jade drove them to Trina's apartment and hammered on the door once they arrived.

"VEGA! Open the door!"

A muffled "Okay" came through the door. As the door opened, Trina said, "Just cause you're my sister-in-law doesn't give you the right to barge in whenever you feel like it."

"Whatever! You have to make a decision."

"Huh?"

"About your maid of honor," Andre said.

Sam added, "Yeah, this chiz had gone on long enough! You get married in a few weeks!"

* * *

The wedding went off without a hitch. Trina and Drake both were enthusiastic when it came to their vows. The first kiss as husband and wife was more heated than most of the guests expected.

The reception, in an elegant hall in Eagle Rock, was a fully catered affair. Guests had the choice of surf and turf (filet mignon and jumbo shrimp), chicken Tuscano or a vegetarian plate. There was also an open bar as well as two bottles of champagne for each table.

The primary table, below the dais with the table for the wedding party, seated the parents and close relatives of the newlyweds. Right next to that was the table of the significant others of the members of the bridal party as well as the couples who weren't part of the wedding and a few friends.

This table was made up of Mindy Parker, Josh's wife, Carly and Freddie, Andre and Beck, Dice, Goomer, Sam and Jade.

The bettors often looked up at the wedding party in irritation. The bet backfired on the three who initiated it. Somehow, all three partners ordered the wagerers to sleep on the couch. That was two nights before and Jade immediately bought a new sofa the day after.

Jade, Andre and Sam all looked like they could use a good night's sleep but didn't complain since they used their spouses like casino chips.

Trina and Drake Parker were, naturally at the center of the table. To Drake's side were his brother Josh and members of his band who were the other groomsmen. On Trina's side of the table, Cat and Tori were bridesmaids along with Trina and Tori's cousin Selena. The maid of honor was Drake's sister, Megan, who did bear a startling resemblance to Carly Benson.

That decision had been made well over two months before the wedding but Trina had withheld the information. She enjoyed her brief moment of control over her friends. She expected the backlash and was ready for it. Even Jade's vengeance for putting her through hell with her wife.

Said vengeance had yet to take place but Jade had patience now that the wedding nonsense was over.

The reception was a blast. A deejay provided music, the booze was all top-shelf and the food was excellent. After dinner and the expected wedding cake hijinks, the dancing commenced.

Tori found her wife and pulled Jade onto the dance floor for a slow dance. As they held each other, Tori whispered, "Jade, I'm sorry I was such a bitch the past few days."

"Days?! Try weeks Vega!" Jade replied, chuckling despite her words. "But I forgive you. Only because I love you."

They kissed on the dance floor. A kiss that rivaled the newlyweds' kiss earlier in the evening in passion. But, true to their musical natures, the pair still managed to move to the music without losing the kiss.

Sam and Cat were dancing too as Cat tried to apologize, "I'm sorry Sam. I haven't been very good member of the Perkle family…"

"Puckett," Sam corrected tiredly.

"Whatever, Sam," Cat chuckled. "But I am sorry I was such a whack job the past month or so."

"Sweetie, you've been a whack job since I got you out of that dump truck." Sam thought about it and amended her statement, "Actually you've been whacky since I saw you at that party when you looked like Davros."

Soon after they started to actually date, Sam realized she had seen Cat before. One night, when they were at Bots, Cat did a robotic voice and Sam flashed back to that party at Kenan Thompson's house and the goofy headband that vocalized whatever Cat typed into her PearPhone.

"At least you didn't have that creepy voice. Sounded more like a Cyberman…"

Cat, having no knowledge of _Doctor Who_ , just laughed.

Nearby, Andre and Beck just sat and watched. They had already talked out their own issues with Trina's odd gambit.

Across the table, Carly and Freddie were talking quietly. "How does this affect the bet?"

Freddie shrugged, "I'm not sure. Cat and Tori were both in the wedding party but none of them were the maid of honor. Call it a wash?"

"Oh man, I was so looking forward to those dinners."

Freddie bumped his shoulder to his wife's, "Goof, I can afford to take you so many times, you'd be sick of Maestro's."

"Yeah, but this would've been a lot of fun with everyone."

"Well, I guess we can adjudicate the bet…" Freddie suggested. "Now, wanna dance?"

Before the word dance left Freddie's lips, Carly was on her feet, "I thought you'd never ask!"

As the evening went on, Trina came over to speak to her sister and sister-in-law. "Listen, I have to tell you both I'm sorry I overdid the whole maid of honor thing. I was thoughtless and it wasn't fair to any of you."

Still mad at her sister, Tori had to laugh as she said, "Who are you and what have you done with my sister?"

"Way to cliché it, Vega," Jade stated.

"Jade, I didn't realize how hard this was going to be for you and Beck and Sam. I'm really sorry about that. It's just… After those years of being a pariah to your little clique…"

Jade nodded, "We were pretty rough on you but you were such a freaking diva that…"

"Jade…" Tori said in her calming tone.

"Apology accepted, Trina."

Trina hugged them both, "Thank you! Thank you both!"

Trina started to walk away when Jade said, "Uh, Trina? Don't wear those black, lace pan…underwear. At least not before you wash them…"

Trina started to question Jade about that slightly cryptic statement when Jade pulled Tori back to the dance floor.

"Itching powder," Jade explained simply.

Looking shocked then laughing, Tori said, "Whatever shall I do with you, Jade West?"

"That's my voice!" Jade argued. Then she smiled wickedly as she purred, "I think we can figure out what you can do with me later…"

* * *

The next day, the couples came together at the Benson condo. Freddie was grilling ribs on the balcony as the talk turned to the bet. The subjects of the bet had been told about it and were upset but realized they had upset their partners even more with their stupid behavior. That didn't spare the bettors from sleeping on their respective couches for a week.

"Who won?" Tori asked.

"Technically, no one," Freddie stated.

"Fredward…" Sam growled.

Carly spoke up, chastising her old friend, "Sam! Behave! I won't tolerate shenanigans against my husband!"

Andre spoke up, "But someone had to win!"

His husband countered with, "Not necessarily. None of us was picked as the Maid of Honor. That was the gist of the bet. I'd say it's a wash."

Freddie smiled smugly at his wife in an I-told-you-so way.

Jade said, "Gist? Is that some obscure Canadian term?"

"What? No! It's a legitimate word in the English language…" Beck growled when he saw the smirk on Jade's face.

Cat chimed in, "I don't care. I had fun as a bridesmaid!"

"In that dress?" Jade asked, incredulously.

"What? I thought they were pretty. Like my favorite giraffes!"

Carly spoke up, "How about this? Each of the couples present treat the other six people to dinner at Maestro's?"

Freddie cut in, "Wait. Cat and Tori were both bridesmaids. Close to maids."

"So?" Jade asked.

"Consider it a half-win. Instead of you and Tori paying for all of us, and later, Sam and Cat, both couples split a single evening with the rest of us."

They all agreed to that. One other change was leaving the newlyweds out of the dinner arrangements.

"I wanted to ride in a yacht," Cat said.

Carly gave the former redhead a one-handed hug, "Don't worry. We decided to let you all still take the _SS iCarly_ out for cruises when you want."

"YAY!"

Tori's phone chimed, "Oh, it's Trina!"

Jade coughed, "Um, Tori, I forgot. I also put itching powder in her scarlet demi-cups…"

"You just earned another week on the couch!"

"Aaaaggghhh!"

~The End~


End file.
